Get Yourself a Tribe Part 1

Spring into New Life
March 28, 2018
Get Yourself a Tribe Part 2
April 11, 2018

There’s something about being in relationship with people that has the power to make or break us. Most of us are taught that by our parents and teachers at a very young age. Illustrations in which one person stands on a chair or a platform and another stands on the ground while each pulls at the others arms proves that it’s easier to drag someone down than to pull them up, because the person on the floor always succeeds over the one in the chair. The visual demonstrates that if we hang out with the wrong crowd we’ll get dragged down, we won’t lift the others up. And, for the most part, this is true.

            Walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm. Prov 13:20

But there’s really much more to relationships than that. Sure, there are good influences and bad influences, but above all that, there are people who are in a position to truly make a difference in our lives and us in theirs. If we want to see growth, if we want to expand our minds and our horizons, if we want to give and be vulnerable, if we want to receive wisdom, we’ve got to surround ourselves with the right people. We’ve got to get ourselves a tribe.

There’s a difference in a tribe and your friend group. Friends are awesome. They’re great for hanging out with and having a good time. The good ones will even be there with you through life’s tougher moments. One or two may last a lifetime, but most friends come and go. A tribe, on the other hand, holds you to a higher level of accountability. It’s a covenant type relationship. It’s built on mutual trust and love, on lifting and holding one another up. These are the people that propel you to a whole new level in life. When you’re around your tribe, you’ll notice your dreams are being realized, and your life is advancing beyond the normal pace. Friends are fun; your tribe is transformative.

              As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another. Prov 27:17

So who exactly do you need in your tribe? What makes a good tribe? There’s no formula. It’s not about making sure you’ve got one of each personality type in your group. It’s about surrounding yourself with people that are all in. You need people that are moving the same direction as you. You need people who aren’t just yes men or naysayers. You need people with enough maturity to listen and to be honest. You need people who know how to give and receive advice and encouragement. You need real, raw, people who are ready to take on life, who are past the pretenses. You need other people who are looking for a tribe.

But first and foremost, you need yourself. And you need to decide if you’re ready for this type of relationship. Are you ready to get down and dirty. Are you ready to bear all? Are you ready to be vulnerable, to hear the things you don’t necessarily want to hear? Are you ready to be pushed to do the things you need to do to get to where you want to be? Because as soon as you become the kind of person you want in your tribe, you’ll attract the same kind of people.

Here’s a quick checklist of the qualities that make a good tribe member. But don’t start by looking around to see who measures up. Look inside yourself. Discover the areas you want to grow in, and start there.

  1. Vulnerability – The most important can often be the most difficult. But to truly create a relationship in which everyone can grow and flourish, we must fist bare our true selves. Set aside the defenses, set aside the facades and the labels, set aside the fear, and open up our most genuine self. This means being completely honest about what’s going on in life and saying what’s on our hearts and minds even when we think it sounds crazy. Vulnerability is the start to genuine relationship, the kind of relationship that propels you forward.
  2. Trust – Trust goes hand in hand with vulnerability. In order to be vulnerable, we must learn to trust those around us. Trust that the people who are in our tribe believe in us and want the best for us. And be trustworthy. Trust is a two way street. For it to benefit us, we must learn both to trust others and to be trustworthy ourselves.
  3. Wisdom – In order to be effective, tribe members must use wisdom. The point of a tribe is not to gossip or simply listen to one another’s troubles and move on. A tribe is there to offer guidance, and guidance is best offered in wisdom rather than emotion. Wisdom is the combination of experience, knowledge, and good judgement in action. I wise tribe is the best tribe. Wisdom is the key ingredient in personal progress.
  4. Vision – A tribe doesn’t just help us out where we are, they help us get to where we want to be. When we put our dreams on the table, our tribe members help stir us up further to make the dream a reality. Vision takes ideas and sees the steps to make them a reality. It is vision that drives us to the next level. A good tribe member doesn’t just offer up vision for their own dreams, they also offer up vision for the other members. When everyone combines their vision, dreams are realized, and the group as a whole takes leaps forward together.
  5. Supportiveness – The baseline of a successful tribe is support. When all members of a tribe offer one another full support, no member can fail. On the bad days, there is someone to lift us up. On our best days, there is someone cheering us on. Mutual supportiveness in a tribe means that, ultimately, each member of the tribe only moves forward; no one ever moves backwards, because the others are always there to catch us. It is the support of the group that prevents burnout, that encourages us, that inspires us to try new things, and that provides a safety net for each of us to be ourselves completely. And from that place, we all move forward tremendously both individually and together.

Check back here next week for Part 2 of Get Yourself a Tribe where we’ll talk about the why behind the tribe!

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  1. Victoria says:

    Finding your tribe is so incredbily important!🙌

  2. Sophie says:

    I agree with you! We attract the same kind of people and that’s why we need to work on ourselves. 🙂

  3. Jenny Yang says:

    I love this post! Having the right people in your life is so important!
    xx Jen

  4. I agree that we attract the same kind of people and if we see need for change in that, we must first look at ourselves. It is also super important to find your Tribe. It can make a world of difference.

  5. Kaari says:

    You have some good points here:). Getting a tribe sounds cool!

  6. Erin says:

    Great post! I really need to find my tribe because I spend too much time hiding away at home. I need people who are going to push me to get out and experience life x

    • admin says:

      Yes, Erin! I can totally relate. My final year of college, I ended up secluding myself to mainly the classroom, library, and my bedroom, save the occasional date with my now husband. And it hasn’t been easy to pull myself out of that lifestyle!! Honestly, I really enjoy the company of my own thoughts, but being in community with people encourages me and grows me and propels me forward in a far deeper and more effective way than I ever could just by myself.

  7. This is so beautiful!! I think this is also very important! We are not meant to go this world alone. And while the iron sharpens iron verse is usually used to show how easy it is to head in the wrong direction with friends, it is also a great way to show us how valuable a good friendship is. I want those around me to help me to be a better person. One walking in the Father’s ways.

    Thank you so much for this encouraging post! We would love to have you link up with us again at #LiveLifeWell!!!



  8. Alyx says:

    This is an amazing post! I’ve always thought of a tribe and a friend group being one in the same, but as I read this I realized that’s not necessarily true when you feel like you can be raw and vulnerable with only one person in the group. I’m working on trying to find this, especially now that I’m in my midtwenties. Would you say that a tribe has to all know each other, or can a tribe consist of different people speaking necessary truths into the same person? Thanks for sharing!

    • admin says:

      Hi Alyx! I’m so glad you liked the post! Sounds like we’re in similar places. In answer to your question, I would say a tribe doesn’t necessarily all have to know each other. Everyone’s tribe, or tribes, are different! I’ve personally got a couple of groups of people that I would consider my tribe, and they don’t all know each other. My mom and sister along with a couple of girls my sister and I have been friends with for a while form my core tribe. We get together about once a week to check in, encourage one another, and pray for one another. I also have a group of musicians and other creatives that I consider my creative tribe. In addition to that, I’m in a mastermind group that meets to discuss business ventures that includes my mom and sister and a few others as well! I would say it’s more about finding the right people to surround yourself with than anything whether they know one another or not! But it definitely increases the support level the more people you’ve got all looking out for one another.

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